Every Celebritys a Writer Now ·

20 Apr 2024, 00:00

How to navigate this year’s glut of memoirs.

Photo: Photo-Illustration: Vulture; Photos: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images, Dominik Bindl/Getty Images, Emma McIntyre/Getty Images

It’s never been a better time to ship a voice-memo series of playful or traumatic anecdotes to a ghostwriter and let ’er rip. The year kicked off with the release of Prince Harry’s explosive Spare, then everyone whom you could conceivably call a legend for one reason or another, from Paris Hilton to Werner Herzog, Barbra Streisand to Julia Fox, got their last autobiographical word in — for now. Here, a brief guide to 2023’s overflowing library of celebrity memoirs (and memoirishes).

The Index

Headliners

The ones that had TMZ and “Page Six” salivating.

Spare, by Prince Harry $19 $36 now 47% off $19

This becoming-a-civilian bombshell detailed everything from Harry’s cold upbringing after his mother’s death to the drama that surrounded his marriage to Meghan Markle, including a story of a physical fight with his brother, William, and skepticism of his father’s relationship with now–Queen Consort Camilla. Add in its cackle-worthy audiobook (“My penis was oscillating between extremely sensitive and borderline traumatized,” the prince himself reads aloud) and Spare all but guaranteed Harry’s flights back to England will cost double.

$19 at Amazon Buy $36 at Indiebound Buy

Worthy, by Jada Pinkett Smith $16 $32 now 50% off $16

So she and Will Smith aren’t married but are also not divorced. So she did ayahuasca. To quote Rick Ross in Rolling Stone: “What’s next?! And to be honest, we’re not interested!”

$16 at Amazon Buy $16 at Amazon Buy

Love, Pamela, by Pamela Anderson $16 $30 now 47% off $16

Since Hulu’s Pam & Tommy, Anderson has sought to reclaim her narrative, not only through this memoir but also the Netflix documentary Pamela, A Love Story, released earlier this year. Her stories of repeated mistreatment in Hollywood — including an incident of alleged sexual misconduct by Tim Allen, which he denies — are difficult to digest in their totality, but of all the “wronged woman” texts published this year, hers is the most clear-eyed and thoughtful.

$16 at Amazon Buy $16 at Amazon Buy

Pageboy, by Elliot Page $17 $30 now 43% off $17

The actor’s memoir reckoned with his self-identity and freedom since coming out as trans in 2020. It’s also filled to the brim with blind items — like the A-list actor who once told Page at a party, “I’m going to fuck you to make you realize you aren’t gay” and drama on the set of the Flatliners remake — plus the revelation that he had a brief affair with Kate Mara in 2013 when she was dating Max Minghella.

$17 at Amazon Buy $30 at Urban Outfitters Buy

The Woman in Me, by Britney Spears $32 $32

In this triple-ghostwritten memoir, the audiobook of which is read with gravitas by Oscar nominee Michelle Williams, what we learned beyond what we already knew about Spears is brutally sad — most notably that Justin Timberlake encouraged her to have an abortion in 2000. (You also can’t unhear Williams, as Timberlake, saying “fo’ shiz” in another chapter.) People are allegedly already lining up to adapt the book; the Britney Spears trauma-industrial complex marches on.

$32 at Amazon Buy $33 at Bookshop Buy

My Name Is Barbra, by Barbra Streisand $26 $47 now 45% off $26

It’s impossible not to come away from Babs’s 1,000-word tome thinking about, well, Babs, but most specifically Babs and Elliott Gould in that little bed: “Elliott is six foot three, and I can’t believe the two of us slept together in my narrow twin bed,” she writes. “As he told me years later when we were reminiscing, ‘Now that’s intimacy. I’ve never slept better in my life.’”

$26 at Amazon Buy $47 at Bookshop Buy

Relevancy Ploys

A bookstore endcap isn’t the comeback they hoped for.

Paris, by Paris Hilton $16 $30 now 47% off $16

The Paris Hilton reevaluation campaign has gone on far too long, with each new “revelation” — her iconic “that’s hot” catchphrase is a Nicky Hilton original — only furthering her lore without having much to say about it. Her book oscillates wildly between stories of abuse endured at her Utah boarding school and claims that she’s the “original influencer” — of course it has already been optioned by A24 as a TV series.

$16 at Amazon Buy $16 at Amazon Buy

If You Would Have Told Me, by John Stamos $15 $30 now 50% off $15

The Full House nostalgia train is an industry unto itself, but no one was waiting by the door for Stamos’s memoir, which, while often candid about his struggles with his physical appearance and addiction, is mostly Hollywood fluff about either being too famous or not famous enough. Stamos also called ex-wife Rebecca Romijn “the devil” while promoting it, which got her current husband, Jerry O’Connell, talking — maybe the least Zeitgeist-y sentence that could be written in 2023.

$15 at Amazon Buy $15 at Amazon Buy

Sonic Life, by Thurston Moore $21 $35 now 40% off $21

Moore’s ex-wife Kim Gordon’s memoir, Girl in a Band, is a beloved text among alt-rock fans. His, however, is nearly 500 pages, eight years too late, and close-lipped on not only the affair and his subsequent split from Gordon but much of their relationship altogether.

$21 at Amazon Buy $21 at Amazon Buy

Bad Mormon, by Heather Gay $16 $29 now 45% off $16

As one Amazon review puts it, Gay’s book is a recap of Mormon rules, information already plain and clear to those who keep up with The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, and offers little-to-no tell-all.

$16 at Amazon Buy $16 at Amazon Buy

Foolish: Tales of Assimilation, Determination, and Humiliation, by Sarah Cooper $21 $29 now 28% off $21

Most still know Cooper as a Donald Trump lip-syncer, but she has also been writing parody self-help books like How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men’s Feelings since 2018. Here, her crack at the self-serious comedian memoir suffers from tonal whiplash.

$21 at Amazon Buy $21 at Amazon Buy

AARP Monthly Picks

Your aunt is having a blast with these in her book club.

Making It So, by Patrick Stewart $18 $35 now 49% off $18

The actor examines a self-made life with a working-class upbringing. The most damning — and gossip worthy — event in the book involves Stewart scolding his Star Trek castmates for having too much fun. “We are not here to have fun,” he reprimanded them, though his memoir proves otherwise.

$18 at Amazon Buy $18 at Amazon Buy

Being Henry: The Fonz … and Beyond, by Henry Winkler $16 $30 now 47% off $16

Winkler’s easygoing humor and sentimentality have made him a star for decades. Between his acclaimed late-career run on Barry and this gentle, funny memoir — he is still waiting for a call from Paul McCartney, who once passed along his number and said, “Let’s hang out,” before ignoring Winkler’s calls — it’s clear Winkler’s second act is only beginning.

$16 at Amazon Buy $16 at Amazon Buy

Chita, by Chita Rivera $10 $30 now 67% off $10

The 90-year-old theater legend’s memoir is full of sharp, insightful humor. While Rivera has everything from celebrity gossip (John Lennon was rude!) to musings on how the industry pigeonholed her as a “sassy” Puerto Rican, it’s mostly a positive reflection on a career well spent.

$10 at Amazon Buy $10 at Amazon Buy

Behind the Seams: My Life in Rhinestones, by Dolly Parton $29 $50 now 42% off $29

Less a conventional memoir (she’s already done one), this is an annotated visual tour through all things aesthetically Dolly: pink, sparkles, glitter, wigs, eyelashes, you name it. Sure, it’s majority coffee-table-book fluff — one revelation is she goes to bed with a full face of makeup so her husband doesn’t have to see her any other way — but by her own design.

$29 at Amazon Buy $29 at Amazon Buy

Scattershot: Life, Music, Elton, and Me, by Bernie Taupin $23 $33 now 30% off $23

Taupin’s partnership with Elton John has defined much of his professional life, and though his memoir is written in part to establish himself on his own, he’s always coming back to his work with Elton. Taupin details a pass the singer made early on: “We were inseparable, joined at the hip, and completely the inhabitants of our own world. So it was only natural that he would add to the confusion that must have been raging in his psyche by placing his hand on my thigh.”

$23 at Amazon Buy $23 at Amazon Buy

Advice Columns

That didn’t need to be a book.

Honey, Baby, Mine: A Mother and Daughter Talk Life, Death, Love (and Banana Pudding), by Laura Dern and Diane Ladd $10 $30 now 67% off $10

A measured series of conversations that covers everything from Dern’s burgeoning career as a child actor to Ladd’s industry resentments. While sometimes prone to indulgent name-dropping, the book is most telling and evocative when showing how two people who have shared a life can open up, argue, and forgive.

$10 at Amazon Buy $10 at Amazon Buy

I Am Debra Lee, by Debra Lee $12 $29 now 59% off $12

The BET network’s former CEO has seemingly done the impossible: written a Fortune 500 memoir that may actually be useful to more than the one percent. Lee navigates a career in law and then television all while staying true to her values, putting Black stories and audiences first. It’s less about surviving corporate America and more about making it a better, more equitable place for women of color to thrive.

$12 at Amazon Buy $12 at Amazon Buy

Thicker Than Water, by Kerry Washington $16 $30 now 47% off $16

While it was undoubtedly shocking for the actress to learn that her father is not her biological father, her coming to terms with the fact that she loves him the same amount doesn’t feel like quite enough to hinge a whole memoir on. She seems to know that too, relying heavily on Olitz fan service during the press tour. The fact that it took about 10,000 photos (ten THOUSAND?) to get the cover right is weirder — and more interesting — than what’s on the page.

$16 at Amazon Buy $16 at Amazon Buy

Be Useful: Seven Tools for Life, by Arnold Schwarzenegger $15 $28 now 46% off $15

One of his tools for life is working incrementally toward your goals. If you have that one down already, we’re pretty sure you can skip this one.

$15 at Amazon Buy $15 at Amazon Buy

Every Man for Himself and God Against All, by Werner Herzog $18 $30 now 40% off $18

The filmmaker’s prose — “Occasionally, I watch trash TV because I think the poet shouldn’t avert his eyes,” he writes — will make you feel smart, regardless of the absurdity of what he’s actually saying. Is this the celeb memoir title of the year? It just might be …

$18 at Amazon Buy $18 at Amazon Buy

I’m No Philosopher, But I Got Thoughts: Mini-Meditations for Saints, Sinners, and the Rest of Us, by Kristin Chenoweth $10 $23 now 57% off $10

One of those where the title says it all.

$10 at Amazon Buy $23 at Barnes & Noble Buy

Heavy Stuff

The pop page-turner is dead; long live the trauma dump.

Tell Me Everything, by Minka Kelly $13 $29 now 55% off $13

Not a typical Hollywood confessional, Minka’s memoir focuses instead on her strained relationship with her working-class single mother — not unlike Jennette McCurdy’s I’m Glad My Mom Died. This one’s a brutal read for anyone thinking they’ll just get some Friday Night Lights gossip.

$13 at Amazon Buy $13 at Amazon Buy

Pretty Boys Are Poisonous: Poems, by Megan Fox $18 $26 now 31% off $18

Fox’s words are getting mocked by poetry M.F.A.’s near and far — one poem, for instance, is called “a beautiful boy is a deadly drug” — which ignores that much of the collection details the actress’s personal experiences with domestic abuse and a miscarriage.

$18 at Amazon Buy $18 at Amazon Buy

When Your Back’s Against the Wall, by Michael Oher with Don Yaeger $15 $28 now 46% off $15

For years, Hollywood and the Tuohy family profited off Oher’s story: His “adoption” (which was actually a conservatorship) and success in the NFL, as depicted in 2009’s The Blind Side, made everyone money but him. His memoir finally allows him to speak for himself, his successes reclaimed as his own.

$15 at Amazon Buy $15 at Amazon Buy

Leslie F*cking Jones, by Leslie Jones $13 $30 now 57% off $13

The comic is best known for her tenure on Saturday Night Live, where her brash and thrilling sense of humor made even the sharpest cast members break, but her memoir is an exhaustive recounting of hardship, abuse, and loss. Though she comes out of it smiling in the end, readers may struggle to do the same.

$13 at Amazon Buy $13 at Amazon Buy

Sure, I’ll Join Your Cult: A Memoir of Mental Illness and the Quest to Belong Anywhere, by Maria Bamford $20 $29 now 31% off $20

Her unending journey to find mental-health support, group support, any kind of support is a frustrating and moving call to action. Though Bamford has reached a point of relative equilibrium, her memoir is often rough, especially when she eulogizes her beloved pug, Blossom.

$20 at Amazon Buy $29 at Bookshop Buy

Damn Good Reads

Add these to your holiday wish list stat.

Great Falls, MT: Fast Times, Post-Punk Weirdos, and a Tale of Coming Home Again, by Reggie Watts $15 $29 now 48% off $15

Watts’s sharp voice and loving portrait of his upbringing in Montana make for engaging, wonderful anecdotes. On his best friend: “We’d played — and quit — the football team together. We still hung out constantly. Still listened to the Smiths, still played Dungeons & Dragons.” Get you a man who can do all three. He avoids the pitfalls of typical comedian memoirs — pithy lists, easy jokes — instead using his hometown to explore a life lived creatively.

$15 at Amazon Buy $15 at Amazon Buy

Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin), by Sly Stone $12 $30 now 60% off $12

The making of Sly and the Family Stone’s band feels like one of the great “get the gang together” montages in a heist film. When in need of a drummer, he writes, “I had rhyme, I had reason, I needed rhythm.”

$12 at Amazon Buy $12 at Amazon Buy

Down the Drain, by Julia Fox $15 $29 now 48% off $15

Much mishegoss was made over Fox’s oft-memed “I actually did it myself” red carpet quote, but she didn’t lie. Her memoir is undeniably Julia Fox: no ghostwriter, no hemming, no hawing, just an honest depiction
of her years of drug use and her time as an actress and model. Fox’s offbeat sense of humor and dogged persistence set her apart from other “It” girls.

$15 at Amazon Buy $15 at Amazon Buy

My Effin’ Life, by Geddy Lee $21 $40 now 48% off $21

The Rush bassist goes long and hard on himself, his time with the band, and the ups and downs of rock-and-roll life. This is both the year’s best musician memoir and the most classic-rock: cocaine, women, and deep dives into Rush’s recording process, including the advice to never trust an audio producer who says they’ll fix it in the mix.

$21 at Amazon Buy $21 at Amazon Buy Black Friend, by Ziwe $24 $26 now 8% off $24

“I do not exist just to move plot,” Ziwe writes. Move plot she does not — rather, the television star and comedian wends her way through a journey of self-establishment and self-assertion. The book is funny, sure, but also insightful and engaging as Ziwe cements herself as the Dick Cavett of the Instagram age.

$24 at Amazon Buy $24 at Amazon Buy

Thank you for subscribing and supporting our journalism. If you prefer to read in print, you can also find this article in the December 4, 2023, issue of New York Magazine.

Want more stories like this one? Subscribe now to support our journalism and get unlimited access to our coverage. If you prefer to read in print, you can also find this article in the December 4, 2023, issue of New York Magazine.

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Every Celebritys a Writer Now

How to navigate this year’s glut of memoirs.

The Index

Headliners

Relevancy Ploys

AARP Monthly Picks

Advice Columns

Heavy Stuff

Damn Good Reads

Vulture Gift Guides

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